Getting started again, without pushing harder. Managing New Year stress with autism & ADHD

January is often framed as a fresh start. A chance to reset, refocus, and begin again with renewed energy.

But for many people, January doesn’t feel fresh at all.

Instead, it can feel heavy.

After the intensity of December: the change in routines, the social demands, the sensory load - people often arrive at the new year already depleted. Starting again doesn’t feel motivating; it feels daunting. And the idea of “new beginnings” can carry pressure rather than possibility.

For some, it’s less new year, new me and more new year, same brain, same struggles. This is not about deficit. It's about expectations that were never realistic.

When the year ahead feels like a weight

January can bring a strong sense of the year stretching out ahead - full of expectations, responsibilities, and things you’re already worried you won’t manage.

For people who are autistic or ADHD this can show up as:

• dread about returning to work or school

• anxiety about routines restarting

• a sense of being behind before you’ve begun

This isn’t a lack of motivation. It’s a nervous system and brain responding to cumulative stress and transition.

Getting started is a thinking skill not a character trait

We often treat “getting started” as a simple choice. In reality, it relies on executive functioning which is the brain skills that help us initiate tasks, plan, prioritise, and shift between activities.

When executive functioning is stretched:

• starting can feel impossible

• tasks feel much bigger than they are

• avoidance, procrastination, or shutdown can take over

This is why advice like “just start small” can still feel unhelpful because even choosing where to start requires mental effort.

What can help instead:

• Reduce the thinking required to begin

  E.g. deciding in advance what the first step is, or having a written list rather than holding it in mind. What is the entry point and how can it be made as accessible as possible?

  
  

• Externalise the start

  Starting alongside someone else, using a timer, or beginning at a set time rather than waiting to feel ready.

  
  

• Lower the definition of ‘started’

  Opening a document, putting shoes on, or sitting in the right place can all count as starting.

  
  

Getting started often becomes easier once momentum has begun but reaching that point usually requires support, not self-pressure.

Capacity comes before motivation

January often assumes energy has reset. For many people, it hasn’t.

Emotional regulation, attention, and problem-solving all draw on the same limited resources. If those resources are low, motivation won’t magically appear no matter how someone might want to begin.

This is why people can feel capable one day and completely stuck the next.

It’s not helpful to ask: “Why can’t I do this?”

But:

• “What’s using my capacity right now?”

• “What would make this slightly easier?”

  
  

Sometimes the most effective change is reducing demand, not increasing effort.

Returning to work or school

Returning to work or school in January is another significant transition and transitions cost energy, even when they’re expected.

If dread, irritability, or exhaustion show up, it doesn’t mean anyone’s failing. It’s more a process of adjustment. For parents and carers, neurodivergent or not, supporting children and young people back into the routine of education can be exhausting and a significant drain on resources. Often this happens alongside a feeling of 'overdue' tasks at work or home.

Practical supports might include:

• easing back into routines rather than restarting everything at once

• planning shorter days or lighter evenings where possible

• building in recovery time after the day, not just at the weekend

  
  

For young people this might mean:

• shorter social days

• predictable downtime after school

• reduced expectations around conversation or engagement

  
  

Supporting the return often helps things settle more quickly than pushing through discomfort.

Rethinking January goals

January is full of messages about goal setting but not all goals are helpful.

From an ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) perspective, goals work best when they’re rooted in values, not pressure.

Instead of asking: “What should I change about myself or the situation?”

You might ask: “What matters to me — even when things are hard?”

From there, goals can be shaped more gently:

• Short term: one small, doable step that fits current energy

• Medium term: what support, structure, or accommodation would help

• Long term: a direction you care about, not a demand to meet

  
  

For example, a value of connection might lead to:

• sending one message rather than rebuilding a whole social life

• being present on the edge of a group rather than fully involved

• conversely it could be deciding to reschedule and prioritising rest rather than 'push through' and burn out. Set a new date for a time when you feel like you're juggling fewer demands.

  
  

Goals can be flexible. They can be paused or reshaped. They can be about how you want to show up, not just what you achieve.

Starting small, sideways, or later still counts

January doesn’t have to be a reset.

You’re allowed to start:

• with support

• at your own pace

• in a way that reflects your capacity

  
  

Starting small, starting sideways, or starting later is still starting.

And often, it’s the most sustainable place to begin.